I have a soft spot for songs that are about people doing harm to Santa. I know that sounds weird coming from a guy who adores Christmas, it's just my thing and we're not here to be all judgey right? Some of you readers know all to well what I'm talking about and others are like "How many songs about doing harm to Santa can there be?" Believe me there are a lot and we will get to each one in due time.
This song was originally recorded by Loretta Lynn for her 1966 album "Country Christmas". It has been covered by many people including Amy Gore and Coal Fire Bicycle. In the song, Ms. Lynn is a bit disgruntled with the fat man in the red suit because he forgot to bring her gifts last year. So dear reader, we once again have run into the theme of how poorly managed the North Pole seems to be. Believing in old timey southern justice, Loretta has decided that Santa must pay for his transgressions. Her plan is to light a fire in the fireplace so he burns his whiskers off! She would also like to punch him in his ho ho ho...which I'm guessing is his belly or.....man bits! Or perhaps the ho ho ho is a real anatomical thing in the elf world. Who knows?
Lyrics
Last year I hung my stockin' by the chimney
And ole Santa didn't bring me anything
Well, I wrote a note and I told him what to bring me
But I didn't even hear his sleigh bells ring.
So to heck with ole Santa Claus
When he goes dashin' through the snow I hope he falls
I'd like to hit him in his ho ho ho
With a bunch of big snowballs.
To heck with ole Santa Claus.
This year I'll build a big fire in the fireplace
I'll be like a little pig I read about
If that big bad wolf in red comes down my chimney
He's a gonna scorch his whiskers there's no doubt.
So to heck with ole Santa Claus
When he goes dashin' through the snow I hope he falls
I'd like to hit him in his ho ho ho
With a bunch of big snowballs.
Yeah, to heck with ole Santa Claus...
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