Top Five Movies That Take Place At Christmas

   I love Christmas movies, whether it's the Claymation specials, Bad Santa or even Santa Claus with Muscles. This List isn't about those movies. This is  a list of my top 5 movies that take place at Christmas, but aren't traditionally considered Christmas movies.


In no particular order:


1. Rocky 4 (1985) - Rocky fights the big Russian Drago on Christmas Day. Throughout the movie there are festive scenes, followed by the training scenes in the cold of Siberia. The movie actually ends with Rocky giving a speech about caring, sharing, and loving your neighbors and then wishes his son Merry Christmas. And don't forget there is a robot with a Christmas bow running around Rocky's mansion at some point if I'm remembering all of this correctly.

2. Edward Scissorhands (1990) - Not entirely set at Christmas, however, the last third of the movie features ice sculptures and Christmas decorations. There's also the story telling of an aged Winona Ryder explaining to her granddaughter why it always snows at Christmas. Let's not forget the heartbreaking scene in which Edward’s creator presents him with regular hands for Christmas, but dies before he can attach them.

3. Less Than Zero (1987) - Clay returns home from college for the holidays and discovers how much has changed while he was away. Based on the novel by Bret Easton Ellis, the story highlights the decadence, greed, and selfishness of the 1980s. The movie features plenty of Christmas decorations and parties.

4. Just Friends (2005) - Ryan Reynolds plays a former fat nerd  returns to his home town, not having been there since graduating from high school. Now in shape and successful, he tries to right a few wrongs, and win the love his life, a girl who kept him in the "friend zone" for most of high school. Tons of carolers, decorations, snow and Christmas mentions throughout the movie. This movie is seriously hilarious and I would recommend all of you to watch it.

5. Gremlins (1984) - Billy Peltzer is given a small creature called a mogwai for Christmas. It has some specific rules of care which he neglects to follow. Chaos ensues as the Gremlins destroy a small town at Christmas.

Harvey the Hippo

As mentioned in some of the donkey blogs, I love a good Christmas helper animal. What is that you may ask? Well, it's any creature who isn't a reindeer who helps Santa or Christmas in some way. Actually, I will correct myself, I do like some of the lesser known helper reindeer like twinkle toes, there are a few that are not including in the usual Santa eight plus Rudolph line up. Most of these creatures pop up in old novelty records from the 60's through the 80's and remind me of my childhood listening to them on a little record player. It's rare to find anyone making these kind of songs anymore.
  If you go back through the older entries on this blog, it's obvious that donkeys are at the top of my helper list, but just below that is Harvey the Hippo.
  Harvey the Hippo was recorded by Long John Silver and The Silver Elves in 1959. I tried to find some info on the band, but like most of these one off novelty records, there was very little out there. One of the commenters on the YouTube site did say the song was recorded by their father Jack Silverman, but I could find nothing to back this up. I'm not discrediting this person, I just don't have any information to back this.
  The song is about a hippo who helps Santa one very snowy day. Old Harvey plows out the stable and reindeer runway so they can take off and deliver toys in time for Christmas. I like the idea that Santa has no snowplow at the North Pole, instead he has a hippoplowtamus! To many it adds to the magic of the Santa myth along with so many other characters found in songs and books.

Black Christmas (2006)

 Black Christmas opened Christmas day 2006. Like any other horror movie that is Christmas themed, there was a bit of controversy from religious extremists in regards to both the content of the movie and its Christmas day release date. Unfortunately, the controversy did very little to attract additional viewers to come see it out of curiosity and the movie enjoyed only moderate success.
   The story begins with a boy named Billy Lenz who is constantly abused by his mother. Billy is very jaundiced which causes his mother to dislike him. However, Billy's father adores him. Mrs. Lenz is a pretty awful person, she hates her child and is cheating on her husband. She murders Billy's father and buries his body in the houses crawlspace with the help of her boyfriend. Billy sees this which causes her to lock Billy in the attic so he won't tell anyone what's happened. Years later, she attempts to conceive a new baby but realizes that her new man is impotent. She goes up to the attic and rapes 12-year-old Billy. Nine months later, a daughter named Agnes is born and she is treated like a princess by Mrs. Lenz, which makes Billy angry since she has never treated him this way. A few years later on Christmas Billy escapes from the attic and disfigures Agnes by gouging out her eye. Billy then kills his mother and her lover. He is caught by the police eating pieces of his mother's flesh which he has cut into Christmas shapes with cookie cutters and baked in the oven! Billy is then sent to a mental asylum. Cut to Fifteen years later, on Christmas Eve, Billy escapes from his cell and heads off to his former home, now a sorority house and begins killing off the girls who live there.
  I normally dislike remakes, but I must say I enjoy this movie much more than the original 1974 version. Don't get me wrong, the original is a classic movie, but it's more of a suspenseful thriller rather than a full on horror movie. I actually enjoy Billy's backstory and the fast pacing of this movie. There's a lot of dark humor in it and the kills are done very well. I would say if you're in the mood for something gory and Christmassy this Halloween season, you can't go wrong with this one.

Santa's Slay

 

Since it's October I've decided to do a couple of blogs about some of the Christmas horror movies I enjoy. The first one up is Santa's Slay.
  Written and directed by first timer David Steiman in 2005. The movie stars wrestler Bill Goldberg as Santa himself along with Emilie de Ravin (Claire from the tv series Lost) and Douglas Smith (young John Conner - Terminator Genisys). There are also cameos from celebrities such as Rebecca Gayheart , Chris Kattan , Fran Drescher and James Caan.
  The movie centers around Douglas Smith's character Nicholas Yuleson and his grandpa. Nick's ol' grampy is the keeper of the "The Book of Klaus" which tells the true origin of Santa Claus. Apparently, Santa was the result of a virgin birth produced by Satan (just as Jesus was the result of a virgin birth produced by God- meaning that Santa is somewhat of an Antichrist). Christmas was "The Day of Slaying" for Santa until, in 1005 AD, an angel defeated Santa in a curling match and sentenced Santa to deliver presents on Christmas for 1000 years. This means that Santa is free to kill again in 2005, which is when the movie was released.
  I have to say, what a creative idea for a movie! Who would have linked Santa to Satan in such a way and then forced the antichrist like character to serve children? The movie is not scary and even people who aren't fans of horror should enjoy this one. If I had to label it, I would say it's more of a black comedy.
  Being a Michigan native I enjoyed that the movie was set in the town of Hell (yes it's a real town here!) and also featured music by local punk group The Gore Gore Girls. The special effects are done well and include a large Bison like creature that serves as Santa's hell dear. If you are in the mood for something both Christmas and spooky this season, give this one a try!

Christmas in Space

 

 

  I have a massive love for any Christmas song that puts Santa in some sort of space adventure. Particularly for tunes that were made either pre-space travel or when it was in it's infancy. I'm 39, so NASA and space exploration have always been a part of my life. That being said, hearing most of the songs on this list makes me feel some sort of displaced nostalgia for the days before space exploration. I think it's great that Santa would have his own space suit and spaceship to make his toy run in space. I can only imagine the wonder the children of the 40's and 50's had at what was out there beyond our planet.

1. Zoot Zoot Zoot, Here Comes Santa  in His New Space Suit - Tiny Tim;  A song about Santa's new space suit, pretty self explanatory.

2. Zoomah the Santa Claus from Mars - Barry Gordon; Not really sure what's happening here, for undisclosed reasons the Martian Santa is coming to Earth to give the earth kids Martian toys. Maybe a cultural exchange happened?

3. There's No Christmas on the Moon - Thee Spivies; A sad tale of a family that moved to the moon and now the kiddies are unable to get Christmas presents because Santa doesn't have a space suit. Perhaps Thee Spivies weren't familiar with Tiny Tim's song, because Santa does indeed have a space suit.

4. Spacey! Santa's Space Ship - Johnny Collins & The Caravans; If you can get past the vocals, this is a cute song about Santa's space ship which is named Spacey of course.

5. Space Age Santa Claus - Jaymz Bee & His Royal Jelly Orchestra and also recorded by Hal Bradley Orchestra w/Patty Marie Jay; This song documents Santa's first trip into outer space. Lots of exciting things take place like a gift shop being set up on the moon and space kids putting out nylon hoses instead of stockings.

6. Solar System Simon, Santa's Supersonic Son - Francis Smith; The heir apparent to the Santa empire. I'm not sure when the clauses had this guy, but despite the boast of him being highly educated I have a feeling he's daddy's dirty little secret.

7. Santa's Rocket - Tim Dinkins; Yet another song about Santa visiting the moon kids in his rocket. I guess there were some serious plans for populating the moon back then.

8. Santa to the Moon - Sonny Cole; And another one about Santa doing due diligence and delivering presents to the children on the moon.

9. Santa Claus Meets the Purple People Eater - Sheb Wooley; While making his space run, Santa almost crashes into Sputnik, but he is saved by the purple people eater.

10. Santa & the Satellite - Buchanan & Goodman; As with most Buchanan & Goodman songs, it features a bunch of audio clips spliced together to form a story. This time it's a story about Santa being kidnapped by aliens on Sputnik.

11. Rudolph Pouts - Israfel's Son; This song is awesome in so many ways, Vixen must take over pulling the sleigh because Rudolph is too lazy and tired to make the trip to space to deliver the toys to the space kids! There is some serious smack talk about Rudie's work ethic.

12. Rocketship Santa - The Bellrays; Santa drives a rocket ship Cadillac in this song. It's obviously the vehicle of choice to go to Mars and mess around with electric guitars.

13. Outer Space Santa - The Lennon Sisters; A tale of Santa's milky way work shop where toys are made for the good children of space.

14.  Futuristic Christmas Tree - Camarata; This technologically advanced tree decides to take a trip to the moon, probably so the moon children will have a tree.

15. Flying Machine (for Christmas) - Flo Price; Yes, in the future kids will want their own flying machines to visit nearby stars.

16. Christmas on the Moon - Troy Hess; Another one with bad vocals, this young man sings about Christmas on the Moon of course. We had such plans for the moon in the 50's and 60's.

17. Captain Santa Claus (And His Reindeer Space Patrol); Santa's sled breaks down, and then another Santa? this one Captain Santa shows up with his reindeer space patrol. They quickly build a rocket for Earth Santa to use.

I'm sure there are many more space themed Christmas songs that I've missed. If anyone is actually reading this, I would love to know some of them.

To Heck With Ole Santa Claus - Loretta Lynn (1966)

 

 I have a soft spot for songs that are about people doing harm to Santa. I know that sounds weird coming from a guy who adores Christmas, it's just my thing and we're not here to be all judgey right? Some of you readers know all to well what I'm talking about and others are like "How many songs about doing harm to Santa can there be?" Believe me there are a lot and we will get to each one in due time.
  This song was originally recorded by Loretta Lynn for her 1966 album "Country Christmas". It has been covered by many people including Amy Gore and Coal Fire Bicycle. In the song, Ms. Lynn is a bit disgruntled with the fat man in the red suit because he forgot to bring her gifts last year. So dear reader, we once again have run into the theme of how poorly managed the North Pole seems to be. Believing in old timey southern justice, Loretta has decided that Santa must pay for his transgressions. Her plan is to light a fire in the fireplace so he burns his whiskers off! She would also like to punch him in his ho ho ho...which I'm guessing is his belly or.....man bits! Or perhaps the ho ho ho is a real anatomical thing in the elf world. Who knows?


Lyrics

Last year I hung my stockin' by the chimney
And ole Santa didn't bring me anything
Well, I wrote a note and I told him what to bring me
But I didn't even hear his sleigh bells ring.

So to heck with ole Santa Claus
When he goes dashin' through the snow I hope he falls
I'd like to hit him in his ho ho ho
With a bunch of big snowballs.

To heck with ole Santa Claus.

This year I'll build a big fire in the fireplace
I'll be like a little pig I read about
If that big bad wolf in red comes down my chimney
He's a gonna scorch his whiskers there's no doubt.

So to heck with ole Santa Claus
When he goes dashin' through the snow I hope he falls
I'd like to hit him in his ho ho ho
With a bunch of big snowballs.

Yeah, to heck with ole Santa Claus...

Famous Christmas Donkeys Part 3 - Burrito (1962)

I have to admit, I only recently discovered this song and it's amazing! Dominick used to be my favorite Christmas donkey, but little Burrito has moved into the number one spot!
   "Burrito" was recorded by Don Lucas in 1962. I wasn't able to find a lot of info on Don, it looks like he has one other album to his name, an adult party record of some sort with mature themes. That's okay though Don, Burrito is all you ever needed to do.
   Once again Santa needs the help of an animal other than his awesome flying reindeer to deliver toys in a country other than America. Why? No idea actually. Burrito is Santa's go to mode of transport in Mexico and instead of his sleigh, Santa loads all of the toys onto a wagon that Burrito pulls. Once again, seems really inefficient, but I guess Santa has reasons. Maybe the reindeer are in a union and this would violate their contract?
  "Burrito" is a really fun and catchy song and Don Lucas does this awesome bray thing. His voice had to be so sore after word. I couldn't find the lyrics or a video to post, but trust me this song is so worth finding!

Famous Christmas Donkeys Part 2 - Dominick the Donkey (1960)

 Dominick the Donkey is a Christmas song written by Ray Allen, Sam Saltzberg and Wandra Merrell, and was recorded by Lou Monte in 1960 on Roulette Records. In a later release of the song it was retitled "Dominic the Donkey". The song is about a donkey who delivers Christmas presents to the children in Italy because the reindeer are unable to climb the hills there. Sure it's silly but the song is really catchy with the chingedy chang chorus and Dominick's hee-haws.
 I want to make it very clear, I love this song. However, there are questions. Why would  flying reindeer need to climb hills at all? Couldn't they just fly over them? We all know the toy factory is in the North Pole so why is Dominick delivering items made in Brooklyn to the fine boy and girls of Italy? This whole thing doesn't seem legit. My best guess would be that the mob told Santa Italy was their territory and they have their own jolly fat man who uses a donkey to deliver their poorly made goods. Just a theory. Would love to hear yours.

Video with lyrics

Lyrics

Hey! Chingedy ching,

(hee-haw, hee-haw)

It's Dominick the donkey.

Chingedy ching,

(hee-haw, hee-haw)

The Italian Christmas donkey.

(la la la-la la-la la la la la)

(la la la-la la-la la-ee-oh-da)

Santa's got a little friend,

His name is Dominick.

The cutest little donkey,

You never see him kick.

When Santa visits his paisons,

With Dominick he'll be.

Because the reindeer cannot,

Climb the hills of Italy.

Hey! Chingedy ching,

(hee-haw, hee-haw)

It's Dominick the donkey.

Chingedy ching,

(hee-haw, hee-haw)

The Italian Christmas donkey.

(la la la-la la-la la la la la)

(la la la-la la-la la-ee-oh-da)

Jingle bells around his feet,

And presents on the sled.

Hey! Look at the mayor's derby,

On top of Dominick's head.

A pair of shoes for Louie,

And a dress for Josephine.

The labels on the inside says,

They're made in Brooklyn.

Hey! Chingedy ching,

(hee-haw, hee-haw)

It's Dominick the donkey.

Chingedy ching,

(hee-haw, hee-haw)

The Italian Christmas donkey.

(la la la-la la-la la la la la)

(la la la-la la-la la-ee-oh-da)

Children sing, and clap their hands,

And Dominick starts to dance.

They talk Italian to him,

And he even understands.

Cumpare sing,

Cumpare su,

And dance 'sta tarantel.

When Santa Nicola comes to town,

And brings du ciuccianello.

Hey! Chingedy ching,

(hee-haw, hee-haw)

It's Dominick the donkey.

Chingedy ching,

(hee-haw, hee-haw)

The Italian Christmas donkey.

(la la la-la la-la la la la la)

(la la la-la la-la la-ee-oh-da)

Hey! Dominick! Buon Natale!

(hee-haw, hee-haw)

(hee-haw, hee-haw)

(hee-haw, hee-haw)

(hee-haw, hee-haw)

(hee-haw, hee-haw)

(hee-haw, hee-haw)

Famous Christmas Donkeys Part 1 - Nestor the Long-Eared Christmas Donkey (1977)

                                                                  

  Reindeer get a lot of praise and promotion around the Yule season. I'm guessing that's because they have really good publicists or may be doing "extra" work for the big guy. Oh...you know exactly what I'm talking about. "Extra" work. And that's why I am proudly dedicating the next few blogs to famous Christmas donkeys! They deserve the spotlight too!!

  Let's start with Nestor. He appears in the 1977 Rankin-Bass holiday special "Nestor the Long-Eared Christmas Donkey". As some of you may be able to surmise....Nestor is born with very long ears, it may or may not (probably) have something to do with his name. Not to get too sidetracked, but in this snow blogger's humble opinion someone really should look into the high incidence of birth defects at the North Pole. I mean come on people!! There is a large elf (little people is the pc term by the way Santa) population, red nosed reindeer, flying reindeer, abominable snow men, long-eared donkey's, snowflake girls named Suzy, living snowmen...trust me, the list goes on and on. Santa's probably been dumping his rocket sled fuel near the stables and what not and should be ticketed!

  In true Christmas special tradition, Nestor learns to over come his disability and accomplishes great things. I have to say though, if you are one of those emotional PETA types then you had best watch this special on ABC Family, it's currently aired there every year but is edited. That's right, a claymation style Christmas movie needs to be edited for today's mamby pamby audience. In 1977 people were made of tougher, more heartless stuff.

  The special starts off showing how Nestor is made fun of by all of his donkey brethren because he constantly trips over his own ears. Why this guy can't tie them up top like a bun is beyond me. One fine evening after some weird pagan animal solstice celebration Roman soldiers come and demand donkeys for the emperor. They buy them all of them, but get angry when they realize Nestor is such a freak! Using this as an excuse they take their money back from the donkey salesman or whatever he is and take the donkeys anyway, all except Nestor. Well the donkey vendor is obviously angry because he now has no donkey crop and is left with Nestor. He picks Nestor up and whips him at the barn wall! Then this beast of a man picks up the donkey and throws him out of the barn where he ricochets off a tree and is left presumably dead!! Hardcore!! Nestor's mom isn't having this so she leaps out of her stable thingy and runs away. She finds Nestor, but a blizzard comes along. Mom covers Nestor with her body while the storm rages on. Cut to the next day or season,,it's not really clear...and mom is dead!! Nestor cries and is about to give up hope when a cherub tells him to sack up, there's a special mission for him. He must go to Bethlehem. Eventually Nestor ends up on the outskirts of Bethlehem, and is purchased by a certain Joseph and Mary. They need to get to Bethlehem proper because baby Jesus wants out in a major way. Suddenly a sandstorm comes and the trio are blinded. Nestor's moms ghost who is also the Cherub and possibly the spirit of God or an angel (you figure it out and let me know) starts to sing a song that only Nestor's big ears can hear. By following the song he quickly gets the young couple to a manger just in time for baby Jesus to be born and becomes a donkey hero!

  The songs in this special were sung by Roger Miller. I don't really know him. According to Wikipedia he's won a few Grammy's and is in the country music hall of fame. Not too shabby. I really do like most of the music in this special. The theme song has been covered by Marty Robbins. There is also a funny Riff Trax version available on their web site.

  The song "Don't laugh and make somebody cry" is edited out of the ABC Family version, possibly due to copyright restrictions or because it sucks. Some of the donkey abuse is gone from their broadcast version as well. I would recommend picking up the dvd version if you're a ghoul like me and want to see Nestor getting flung around or if you really enjoy the song "Don't laugh and make somebody cry". Nestor can be found either on the Warner Brother's release "The Year Without a Santa Claus" which has "Rudolph's Shiny New Year" and "Nestor the Long-Eared Christmas Donkey" as bonus features or it can also be found on a Warner Archives Collection dvd with the movie "The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus".

      Marty Robbins version of  Nestor's song with clips from movie

 

          Sample of the Riff Trax episode of Nestor

The Little Boy That Santa Claus Forgot (1937)

  I stumbled on this song a few years back. Believe me little helpers, I've heard some depressing Christmas songs over the years, and this one is up there in my top 5 of all time for sure. It's not the king singing about a blue Christmas, or a soldier singing about their Christmas in Vietnam (trust me we'll get to that song some other time), it's a song about a boy who has no father that was forgotten by Santa! Ahhhhh...mazing!! And then you ask....how do I know he has no father? Well silly, it's mentioned in the song of course! I guess in 1937, while this country and the world was in the midst of the great depression, being forgotten by the one guy who shouldn't forget anyone wasn't enough. Gee guys while you're at it why not burn down this kid's house and condemn him to repeat this day over and over a la Groundhog's Day?
  Of course the Christmas ghoul in me finds such glee and delight in the sheer sadness of it. This poor kid hasn't been naughty, he was just so insignificant that Santa completely forgot to go by his home or orphanage or box car or whatever. I mean come on!!! Santa, the jolly old fat man who keeps track of all of the good boys and girls, Santa who has a massive city at the North Pole staffed with thousands of elves, helpers, mystical all seeing crystal balls and light up reindeer somehow missed this guy? And that's not to mention that he supposedly checks his list twice. Two list checks and this kid doesn't make the cut! It makes me wonder are their others Santa has missed? Are there thousands of children who have slipped through the yule cracks due to the North Pole's inefficiency? Maybe, just maybe there is a child army who vow vengeance on the man in the red suit! Or maybe Santa just decided he really didn't like the kid in this song and gets a kick out of his sadness. Who can say?
  According to Wikipedia - "The Little Boy that Santa Claus Forgot" is a 1937 song written by Michael Carr, Tommie Connor and Jimmy Leach; most notably performed by Vera Lynn. It is also known for the use of her version in the opening scene in the Pink Floyd film Pink Floyd—The Wall.
Other people who have recorded it include Johnny Adams, Billy Mackenzie, Elsie Carlisle, Nat King Cole, Natalie Cole, Billy Cotton, John Farnham, Alex Harvey, and Arthur Tracy. A portion of the song was sung by Jim Belushi in the 1996 film Jingle All the Way.
                                                    
Lyrics

He's the little boy
That Santa Clause forgot,
And goodness knows,
He didn't want a lot.

He sent a note to Santa
For some soldiers and a drum,
It broke his little heart
When he found Santa hadn't come.

In the street he envies
All those lucky boys,
Then wanders home
To last year's broken toys.
I'm so sorry for that laddie,
He hasn't got a daddy,
The little boy
That Santa Clause forgot.

Spoken:
(You know,
Christmas comes but once a year
For every girl and boy,
The laughter and the joy
They find in each brand new toy.
I'll tell you of a little boy
That lives across the way...
This little fella's
Christmas is just another day.
He's the little boy
That Santa Claus forgot,
And goodness knows,
He didn't want a lot.)

In the street
He envies all those lucky boys,
Then wanders home
To last year's broken toys.
I'm so sorry for that laddie,
He hasn't got a daddy,
The little boy
That Santa Clause forgot

 

So, there you have it Christmas fans. Stay tuned for more of my favorite Christmas things!

 

Unofficial video of the song, the Nat King Cole version