Where Did Frosty Go?

     Hello Christmas brothers and sisters! I'm back, at least on a part time basis. It seems this blog has fallen victim to irregular updates. Actually, who am I kidding, it's been two years since I posted so I should say this blog ceased to exist.
     I won't get too into what happened, it was typical life stuff like family illness, being a dad and work demands (actually I guess I went a little into it). There was also a bit of a writer's block issue. 
     Looking back at it all, what started as a fun hobby for me began to seem more like a chore and that's just ridiculous. I read a lot of other people's Christmas blogs and they have all given me ideas on how to go forward and make this fun again.
     That being said, there will be more content, more updates, but they will no longer follow a theme or format, they could be something as simple as notes on one of my Mixcloud playlists or my opinion on outdoor holiday décor. If I do want to write a lengthier post I will keep them in drafts and pick at them when I have time, so you will still get those from time to time too.
     I'm happy to be back and I am looking forward to building a better blog.

Top Five Movies That Take Place At Christmas

   I love Christmas movies, whether it's the Claymation specials, Bad Santa or even Santa Claus with Muscles. This List isn't about those movies. This is  a list of my top 5 movies that take place at Christmas, but aren't traditionally considered Christmas movies.


In no particular order:


1. Rocky 4 (1985) - Rocky fights the big Russian Drago on Christmas Day. Throughout the movie there are festive scenes, followed by the training scenes in the cold of Siberia. The movie actually ends with Rocky giving a speech about caring, sharing, and loving your neighbors and then wishes his son Merry Christmas. And don't forget there is a robot with a Christmas bow running around Rocky's mansion at some point if I'm remembering all of this correctly.

2. Edward Scissorhands (1990) - Not entirely set at Christmas, however, the last third of the movie features ice sculptures and Christmas decorations. There's also the story telling of an aged Winona Ryder explaining to her granddaughter why it always snows at Christmas. Let's not forget the heartbreaking scene in which Edward’s creator presents him with regular hands for Christmas, but dies before he can attach them.

3. Less Than Zero (1987) - Clay returns home from college for the holidays and discovers how much has changed while he was away. Based on the novel by Bret Easton Ellis, the story highlights the decadence, greed, and selfishness of the 1980s. The movie features plenty of Christmas decorations and parties.

4. Just Friends (2005) - Ryan Reynolds plays a former fat nerd  returns to his home town, not having been there since graduating from high school. Now in shape and successful, he tries to right a few wrongs, and win the love his life, a girl who kept him in the "friend zone" for most of high school. Tons of carolers, decorations, snow and Christmas mentions throughout the movie. This movie is seriously hilarious and I would recommend all of you to watch it.

5. Gremlins (1984) - Billy Peltzer is given a small creature called a mogwai for Christmas. It has some specific rules of care which he neglects to follow. Chaos ensues as the Gremlins destroy a small town at Christmas.

Harvey the Hippo

As mentioned in some of the donkey blogs, I love a good Christmas helper animal. What is that you may ask? Well, it's any creature who isn't a reindeer who helps Santa or Christmas in some way. Actually, I will correct myself, I do like some of the lesser known helper reindeer like twinkle toes, there are a few that are not including in the usual Santa eight plus Rudolph line up. Most of these creatures pop up in old novelty records from the 60's through the 80's and remind me of my childhood listening to them on a little record player. It's rare to find anyone making these kind of songs anymore.
  If you go back through the older entries on this blog, it's obvious that donkeys are at the top of my helper list, but just below that is Harvey the Hippo.
  Harvey the Hippo was recorded by Long John Silver and The Silver Elves in 1959. I tried to find some info on the band, but like most of these one off novelty records, there was very little out there. One of the commenters on the YouTube site did say the song was recorded by their father Jack Silverman, but I could find nothing to back this up. I'm not discrediting this person, I just don't have any information to back this.
  The song is about a hippo who helps Santa one very snowy day. Old Harvey plows out the stable and reindeer runway so they can take off and deliver toys in time for Christmas. I like the idea that Santa has no snowplow at the North Pole, instead he has a hippoplowtamus! To many it adds to the magic of the Santa myth along with so many other characters found in songs and books.

Black Christmas (2006)

 Black Christmas opened Christmas day 2006. Like any other horror movie that is Christmas themed, there was a bit of controversy from religious extremists in regards to both the content of the movie and its Christmas day release date. Unfortunately, the controversy did very little to attract additional viewers to come see it out of curiosity and the movie enjoyed only moderate success.
   The story begins with a boy named Billy Lenz who is constantly abused by his mother. Billy is very jaundiced which causes his mother to dislike him. However, Billy's father adores him. Mrs. Lenz is a pretty awful person, she hates her child and is cheating on her husband. She murders Billy's father and buries his body in the houses crawlspace with the help of her boyfriend. Billy sees this which causes her to lock Billy in the attic so he won't tell anyone what's happened. Years later, she attempts to conceive a new baby but realizes that her new man is impotent. She goes up to the attic and rapes 12-year-old Billy. Nine months later, a daughter named Agnes is born and she is treated like a princess by Mrs. Lenz, which makes Billy angry since she has never treated him this way. A few years later on Christmas Billy escapes from the attic and disfigures Agnes by gouging out her eye. Billy then kills his mother and her lover. He is caught by the police eating pieces of his mother's flesh which he has cut into Christmas shapes with cookie cutters and baked in the oven! Billy is then sent to a mental asylum. Cut to Fifteen years later, on Christmas Eve, Billy escapes from his cell and heads off to his former home, now a sorority house and begins killing off the girls who live there.
  I normally dislike remakes, but I must say I enjoy this movie much more than the original 1974 version. Don't get me wrong, the original is a classic movie, but it's more of a suspenseful thriller rather than a full on horror movie. I actually enjoy Billy's backstory and the fast pacing of this movie. There's a lot of dark humor in it and the kills are done very well. I would say if you're in the mood for something gory and Christmassy this Halloween season, you can't go wrong with this one.

Santa's Slay

 

Since it's October I've decided to do a couple of blogs about some of the Christmas horror movies I enjoy. The first one up is Santa's Slay.
  Written and directed by first timer David Steiman in 2005. The movie stars wrestler Bill Goldberg as Santa himself along with Emilie de Ravin (Claire from the tv series Lost) and Douglas Smith (young John Conner - Terminator Genisys). There are also cameos from celebrities such as Rebecca Gayheart , Chris Kattan , Fran Drescher and James Caan.
  The movie centers around Douglas Smith's character Nicholas Yuleson and his grandpa. Nick's ol' grampy is the keeper of the "The Book of Klaus" which tells the true origin of Santa Claus. Apparently, Santa was the result of a virgin birth produced by Satan (just as Jesus was the result of a virgin birth produced by God- meaning that Santa is somewhat of an Antichrist). Christmas was "The Day of Slaying" for Santa until, in 1005 AD, an angel defeated Santa in a curling match and sentenced Santa to deliver presents on Christmas for 1000 years. This means that Santa is free to kill again in 2005, which is when the movie was released.
  I have to say, what a creative idea for a movie! Who would have linked Santa to Satan in such a way and then forced the antichrist like character to serve children? The movie is not scary and even people who aren't fans of horror should enjoy this one. If I had to label it, I would say it's more of a black comedy.
  Being a Michigan native I enjoyed that the movie was set in the town of Hell (yes it's a real town here!) and also featured music by local punk group The Gore Gore Girls. The special effects are done well and include a large Bison like creature that serves as Santa's hell dear. If you are in the mood for something both Christmas and spooky this season, give this one a try!

Christmas in Space

 

 

  I have a massive love for any Christmas song that puts Santa in some sort of space adventure. Particularly for tunes that were made either pre-space travel or when it was in it's infancy. I'm 39, so NASA and space exploration have always been a part of my life. That being said, hearing most of the songs on this list makes me feel some sort of displaced nostalgia for the days before space exploration. I think it's great that Santa would have his own space suit and spaceship to make his toy run in space. I can only imagine the wonder the children of the 40's and 50's had at what was out there beyond our planet.

1. Zoot Zoot Zoot, Here Comes Santa  in His New Space Suit - Tiny Tim;  A song about Santa's new space suit, pretty self explanatory.

2. Zoomah the Santa Claus from Mars - Barry Gordon; Not really sure what's happening here, for undisclosed reasons the Martian Santa is coming to Earth to give the earth kids Martian toys. Maybe a cultural exchange happened?

3. There's No Christmas on the Moon - Thee Spivies; A sad tale of a family that moved to the moon and now the kiddies are unable to get Christmas presents because Santa doesn't have a space suit. Perhaps Thee Spivies weren't familiar with Tiny Tim's song, because Santa does indeed have a space suit.

4. Spacey! Santa's Space Ship - Johnny Collins & The Caravans; If you can get past the vocals, this is a cute song about Santa's space ship which is named Spacey of course.

5. Space Age Santa Claus - Jaymz Bee & His Royal Jelly Orchestra and also recorded by Hal Bradley Orchestra w/Patty Marie Jay; This song documents Santa's first trip into outer space. Lots of exciting things take place like a gift shop being set up on the moon and space kids putting out nylon hoses instead of stockings.

6. Solar System Simon, Santa's Supersonic Son - Francis Smith; The heir apparent to the Santa empire. I'm not sure when the clauses had this guy, but despite the boast of him being highly educated I have a feeling he's daddy's dirty little secret.

7. Santa's Rocket - Tim Dinkins; Yet another song about Santa visiting the moon kids in his rocket. I guess there were some serious plans for populating the moon back then.

8. Santa to the Moon - Sonny Cole; And another one about Santa doing due diligence and delivering presents to the children on the moon.

9. Santa Claus Meets the Purple People Eater - Sheb Wooley; While making his space run, Santa almost crashes into Sputnik, but he is saved by the purple people eater.

10. Santa & the Satellite - Buchanan & Goodman; As with most Buchanan & Goodman songs, it features a bunch of audio clips spliced together to form a story. This time it's a story about Santa being kidnapped by aliens on Sputnik.

11. Rudolph Pouts - Israfel's Son; This song is awesome in so many ways, Vixen must take over pulling the sleigh because Rudolph is too lazy and tired to make the trip to space to deliver the toys to the space kids! There is some serious smack talk about Rudie's work ethic.

12. Rocketship Santa - The Bellrays; Santa drives a rocket ship Cadillac in this song. It's obviously the vehicle of choice to go to Mars and mess around with electric guitars.

13. Outer Space Santa - The Lennon Sisters; A tale of Santa's milky way work shop where toys are made for the good children of space.

14.  Futuristic Christmas Tree - Camarata; This technologically advanced tree decides to take a trip to the moon, probably so the moon children will have a tree.

15. Flying Machine (for Christmas) - Flo Price; Yes, in the future kids will want their own flying machines to visit nearby stars.

16. Christmas on the Moon - Troy Hess; Another one with bad vocals, this young man sings about Christmas on the Moon of course. We had such plans for the moon in the 50's and 60's.

17. Captain Santa Claus (And His Reindeer Space Patrol); Santa's sled breaks down, and then another Santa? this one Captain Santa shows up with his reindeer space patrol. They quickly build a rocket for Earth Santa to use.

I'm sure there are many more space themed Christmas songs that I've missed. If anyone is actually reading this, I would love to know some of them.

To Heck With Ole Santa Claus - Loretta Lynn (1966)

 

 I have a soft spot for songs that are about people doing harm to Santa. I know that sounds weird coming from a guy who adores Christmas, it's just my thing and we're not here to be all judgey right? Some of you readers know all to well what I'm talking about and others are like "How many songs about doing harm to Santa can there be?" Believe me there are a lot and we will get to each one in due time.
  This song was originally recorded by Loretta Lynn for her 1966 album "Country Christmas". It has been covered by many people including Amy Gore and Coal Fire Bicycle. In the song, Ms. Lynn is a bit disgruntled with the fat man in the red suit because he forgot to bring her gifts last year. So dear reader, we once again have run into the theme of how poorly managed the North Pole seems to be. Believing in old timey southern justice, Loretta has decided that Santa must pay for his transgressions. Her plan is to light a fire in the fireplace so he burns his whiskers off! She would also like to punch him in his ho ho ho...which I'm guessing is his belly or.....man bits! Or perhaps the ho ho ho is a real anatomical thing in the elf world. Who knows?


Lyrics

Last year I hung my stockin' by the chimney
And ole Santa didn't bring me anything
Well, I wrote a note and I told him what to bring me
But I didn't even hear his sleigh bells ring.

So to heck with ole Santa Claus
When he goes dashin' through the snow I hope he falls
I'd like to hit him in his ho ho ho
With a bunch of big snowballs.

To heck with ole Santa Claus.

This year I'll build a big fire in the fireplace
I'll be like a little pig I read about
If that big bad wolf in red comes down my chimney
He's a gonna scorch his whiskers there's no doubt.

So to heck with ole Santa Claus
When he goes dashin' through the snow I hope he falls
I'd like to hit him in his ho ho ho
With a bunch of big snowballs.

Yeah, to heck with ole Santa Claus...