Black Christmas (2006)

 Black Christmas opened Christmas day 2006. Like any other horror movie that is Christmas themed, there was a bit of controversy from religious extremists in regards to both the content of the movie and its Christmas day release date. Unfortunately, the controversy did very little to attract additional viewers to come see it out of curiosity and the movie enjoyed only moderate success.
   The story begins with a boy named Billy Lenz who is constantly abused by his mother. Billy is very jaundiced which causes his mother to dislike him. However, Billy's father adores him. Mrs. Lenz is a pretty awful person, she hates her child and is cheating on her husband. She murders Billy's father and buries his body in the houses crawlspace with the help of her boyfriend. Billy sees this which causes her to lock Billy in the attic so he won't tell anyone what's happened. Years later, she attempts to conceive a new baby but realizes that her new man is impotent. She goes up to the attic and rapes 12-year-old Billy. Nine months later, a daughter named Agnes is born and she is treated like a princess by Mrs. Lenz, which makes Billy angry since she has never treated him this way. A few years later on Christmas Billy escapes from the attic and disfigures Agnes by gouging out her eye. Billy then kills his mother and her lover. He is caught by the police eating pieces of his mother's flesh which he has cut into Christmas shapes with cookie cutters and baked in the oven! Billy is then sent to a mental asylum. Cut to Fifteen years later, on Christmas Eve, Billy escapes from his cell and heads off to his former home, now a sorority house and begins killing off the girls who live there.
  I normally dislike remakes, but I must say I enjoy this movie much more than the original 1974 version. Don't get me wrong, the original is a classic movie, but it's more of a suspenseful thriller rather than a full on horror movie. I actually enjoy Billy's backstory and the fast pacing of this movie. There's a lot of dark humor in it and the kills are done very well. I would say if you're in the mood for something gory and Christmassy this Halloween season, you can't go wrong with this one.

Santa's Slay

 

Since it's October I've decided to do a couple of blogs about some of the Christmas horror movies I enjoy. The first one up is Santa's Slay.
  Written and directed by first timer David Steiman in 2005. The movie stars wrestler Bill Goldberg as Santa himself along with Emilie de Ravin (Claire from the tv series Lost) and Douglas Smith (young John Conner - Terminator Genisys). There are also cameos from celebrities such as Rebecca Gayheart , Chris Kattan , Fran Drescher and James Caan.
  The movie centers around Douglas Smith's character Nicholas Yuleson and his grandpa. Nick's ol' grampy is the keeper of the "The Book of Klaus" which tells the true origin of Santa Claus. Apparently, Santa was the result of a virgin birth produced by Satan (just as Jesus was the result of a virgin birth produced by God- meaning that Santa is somewhat of an Antichrist). Christmas was "The Day of Slaying" for Santa until, in 1005 AD, an angel defeated Santa in a curling match and sentenced Santa to deliver presents on Christmas for 1000 years. This means that Santa is free to kill again in 2005, which is when the movie was released.
  I have to say, what a creative idea for a movie! Who would have linked Santa to Satan in such a way and then forced the antichrist like character to serve children? The movie is not scary and even people who aren't fans of horror should enjoy this one. If I had to label it, I would say it's more of a black comedy.
  Being a Michigan native I enjoyed that the movie was set in the town of Hell (yes it's a real town here!) and also featured music by local punk group The Gore Gore Girls. The special effects are done well and include a large Bison like creature that serves as Santa's hell dear. If you are in the mood for something both Christmas and spooky this season, give this one a try!

Christmas in Space

 

 

  I have a massive love for any Christmas song that puts Santa in some sort of space adventure. Particularly for tunes that were made either pre-space travel or when it was in it's infancy. I'm 39, so NASA and space exploration have always been a part of my life. That being said, hearing most of the songs on this list makes me feel some sort of displaced nostalgia for the days before space exploration. I think it's great that Santa would have his own space suit and spaceship to make his toy run in space. I can only imagine the wonder the children of the 40's and 50's had at what was out there beyond our planet.

1. Zoot Zoot Zoot, Here Comes Santa  in His New Space Suit - Tiny Tim;  A song about Santa's new space suit, pretty self explanatory.

2. Zoomah the Santa Claus from Mars - Barry Gordon; Not really sure what's happening here, for undisclosed reasons the Martian Santa is coming to Earth to give the earth kids Martian toys. Maybe a cultural exchange happened?

3. There's No Christmas on the Moon - Thee Spivies; A sad tale of a family that moved to the moon and now the kiddies are unable to get Christmas presents because Santa doesn't have a space suit. Perhaps Thee Spivies weren't familiar with Tiny Tim's song, because Santa does indeed have a space suit.

4. Spacey! Santa's Space Ship - Johnny Collins & The Caravans; If you can get past the vocals, this is a cute song about Santa's space ship which is named Spacey of course.

5. Space Age Santa Claus - Jaymz Bee & His Royal Jelly Orchestra and also recorded by Hal Bradley Orchestra w/Patty Marie Jay; This song documents Santa's first trip into outer space. Lots of exciting things take place like a gift shop being set up on the moon and space kids putting out nylon hoses instead of stockings.

6. Solar System Simon, Santa's Supersonic Son - Francis Smith; The heir apparent to the Santa empire. I'm not sure when the clauses had this guy, but despite the boast of him being highly educated I have a feeling he's daddy's dirty little secret.

7. Santa's Rocket - Tim Dinkins; Yet another song about Santa visiting the moon kids in his rocket. I guess there were some serious plans for populating the moon back then.

8. Santa to the Moon - Sonny Cole; And another one about Santa doing due diligence and delivering presents to the children on the moon.

9. Santa Claus Meets the Purple People Eater - Sheb Wooley; While making his space run, Santa almost crashes into Sputnik, but he is saved by the purple people eater.

10. Santa & the Satellite - Buchanan & Goodman; As with most Buchanan & Goodman songs, it features a bunch of audio clips spliced together to form a story. This time it's a story about Santa being kidnapped by aliens on Sputnik.

11. Rudolph Pouts - Israfel's Son; This song is awesome in so many ways, Vixen must take over pulling the sleigh because Rudolph is too lazy and tired to make the trip to space to deliver the toys to the space kids! There is some serious smack talk about Rudie's work ethic.

12. Rocketship Santa - The Bellrays; Santa drives a rocket ship Cadillac in this song. It's obviously the vehicle of choice to go to Mars and mess around with electric guitars.

13. Outer Space Santa - The Lennon Sisters; A tale of Santa's milky way work shop where toys are made for the good children of space.

14.  Futuristic Christmas Tree - Camarata; This technologically advanced tree decides to take a trip to the moon, probably so the moon children will have a tree.

15. Flying Machine (for Christmas) - Flo Price; Yes, in the future kids will want their own flying machines to visit nearby stars.

16. Christmas on the Moon - Troy Hess; Another one with bad vocals, this young man sings about Christmas on the Moon of course. We had such plans for the moon in the 50's and 60's.

17. Captain Santa Claus (And His Reindeer Space Patrol); Santa's sled breaks down, and then another Santa? this one Captain Santa shows up with his reindeer space patrol. They quickly build a rocket for Earth Santa to use.

I'm sure there are many more space themed Christmas songs that I've missed. If anyone is actually reading this, I would love to know some of them.